Day 13

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This painting hangs in the UCA campus church in remembrance of the massacre.

In our group presentations this morning, we had some deep reflection on what it means to help.  We spent time debriefing about our service sites.  One of the groups had the opportunity to serve at a local school that uses very holistic and progressive teaching methods for student learning and character formation.  As the group was telling their experience, one member shared his conflict and heart break over having to leave the children after only two days.  The kids did not understand why they could not return, and felt somewhat sad and confused.  We all wrestled with this idea of if helping at times can be harmful or unethical when one is working with populations that are vulnerable.  This discussion led to us pondering the responsibility we have to act or come along side Salvadorians now that we know some of their stories personally.  One of our professors stated that our experiences here are a gift, and they are.  But they also do not come without a responsibility to act.  Which leads me to my questions:  How can I help without oppressing others further?  How do I use the power inequalities between the nations--my US citizenship, monetary possessions and education--to fight injustices instead of contribute to them?  What daily, intentional choices will need to be made in my life to benefit the goods of all, not just our US interests or comforts?  I pray to be open to the ways in which I can act upon this experience. I pray to have courage to accept the responsibilities.

These are the clothes of the priests from the night of their murders.

Speaking of courage, we visited the University of Central America or UCA where the six Jesuit priests from Spain and two women were massacred towards the end of the Salvadorian civil war.  These priests were top scholars and theologians and were voices of liberation theology.  The Army viewed them as threats and as the "brains" of the guerrilla operation.  They were ordered to massacre the priests and leave no witnesses behind.  The military (that was given 1 million dollars a day of support from the US government) pulled these priests from their dorms, dragged them outside, threw them on the ground and literally blew their brains out.  It was symbolically showing that the Army would not tolerate this type of thinking that favored the people and not the military power.  We toured a museum where the clothes they were murdered in were kept in tact.  It also showed other martyrs of the war at that time--women and men.  There were books showcased that had bullet holes ripped through them.  In fact, one of the priests had a book called The Crucified God that was with him.  His blood actually soaked into the book, and it has been preserved with the blood stains in the museum.  Needless to say, this piece of history demonstrates the power of living for a cause so passionately that one would give her life for it.  It illustrates the power of hate, control and corruption and how inhumane it can be in its extreme forms.  Still to this day, not one higher official from the Army has been penalized for any of the war crimes.  Two soldiers that committed the massacre of the Jesuits were convicted and are in prison. Eighty five percent of the human rights violations during the Salvadorian Civil War were done by the Army who our US tax dollars supported.  Five percent of the human rights violations were committed by the guerrilla.  Ten percent of the human rights violations that were committed are not claimed or known to be done by either group. Two weeks after the Truth Commission, the general assembly in El Salvador under President Cristiani gave amnesty to all the war criminals.

A rose garden has been planted in honor of the priests and women who were murdered in the massacre at UCA.

There were also five US women citizens who were martyred during the civil war as well.  I am eager to watch the movie Bread and Roses which tells the stories and deaths of these women.

We visited the Fernado Llort gallery as well and met Fernado!  Many of his paintings were in the UCA church.

During the evening, we were able to visit a really trendy area of El Salvador called Santa Tecla.  We had the freedom to explore and choose our restaurant of choice.  We picked a cozy little restaurant off the cobble stone street and loved it.  Surprisingly, we were able to order a sandwich and savored a wonderful, warm chocolate cake.  The food seemed to remind us of home, and served as one of the first transitions that seemed to beckon us quietly home again.  After the yummy dinner, we spent time practicing our bachata dancing on the sidewalk as we waited for the rest of the group to return.  The most humorous piece of the night was that we had to do a "coffee drop."  Our group collectively ordered 200 pounds of coffee!  We ordered directly from a local, collective farm that organically grows and roasts coffee.  The coffee was so fresh that the bags did not even have labels on them!  Needless to say, our ride home was filled with hopeful fragrances of easy wake ups and warm conversations with hands cradling strong, steamy java.

Day 12

Patty, Brittany and I at the school she attended

During the second day of our service site, we were able to visit local schools on the volcano in El Salvador.  Our liaison has volunteered and worked with these schools and these children for years.  Right now, he has a scholarship program set up where a few students intern for him and he provides work experience and also scholarship funds for their university tuition.  We were able to meet Patty, an intern at La RED, who lived and went to school at one of the schools we visited.  At one of the schools, we interrupted a Mother's Day celebration of kindergarten and elementary students thanking their mothers for all their love and support.  Between the two schools we visited, there was a huge discrepancy between facilities, resources and funding, and the schools were only about five miles apart.

Mother's Day Celebration

When we came back to our site, we were able to start translating their website into English.  My Spanish is not good enough to translate from Spanish to English, so we translated from "Google English" to website friendly language.  I really enjoyed helping in this way.  Recently, La RED lost its funding from Spain because of the financial crisis there.  So, now they are looking to expand their funding and trying to target donors in the US as well as Canada.  They are looking to partner with NGOs, organizations and universities within North America that have an interest and passion to fund work for people living with disabilities.  If anyone is interested in partnering with them or desires to check their agency out, here is there website www.laredelsalvador.com.

The students received our donations.

After our site visits, we did presentations about our agencies.  At the end of the presentations, our professors asked us what we learned about ourselves through the site visit.  One thing I was reminded of about myself is that I work really hard to make everyone comfortable and engaged in situations that might be uncomfortable.  Everything at the agency visit was new--people, organizational structure, work day flow and the mission.  I also felt the language barrier a lot during the day, and was frustrated that I could not converse freely with everyone at the site like I would had they spoken English.  Through the service experience, I also remembered my strong desire to complete projects.  My work and grad school experience has turned me into sort of an "achievement addict."  I find myself loving to work hard and complete projects well.  While this is a great strength, it can also be a hindrance in the big picture of things.  Dr. Guevara reminded us that it is not always doing for people that is welcomed or appreciated.  Instead, it is solidarity--standing beside, choosing to listen and feeling empathy that leads to some sort of intentional action.  Again, here is where the difference in the Salvadorian culture and our North American culture stand out.  It is individualism verses collectivism.  Individualistic cultures look for product first whereas collectivist ones may look for community first.  Individualistic cultures seek to fix and complete whereas collective ones long to be heard and work then to organize around pertinent issues.

Once again during this trip, my thoughts and perspectives are being widened and changed as we live and share the space of others.  I keep wondering what the transformation will look like when I return.

Brittany and I riding down the volcano.

Day 11--Service Site

Employee painting pottery at Shicali

Today the group all split up and went to different service sites.  Brittany and I had the opportunity to go to La Red which is an NGO that works to place people with disabilities in jobs within the community.  We spent most of the day talking with Rolando who is the director at the center.  Also, we met other employees at the center and learned some of their roles within the organization.  They are hoping we can help them translate some portions of their website as well as some documents they are hoping to use to raise funds in the US and other supporting countries.

We felt the pressure today of not being able to communicate freely because of the language barrier.  The director spoke English well, but we still couldn't clearly share or really understand a lot of what was going on logistically today.  I am tired today after working hard to be engaged and could definitely use a quiet corner to decompress. Tomorrow is our last day at the site.  We are visiting the volcano where there is a school project and will probably work on translating documents for their organization.

Day 10

Students at the local school at Los Pobres

Today was another great day in El Salvador.  We went to Los Pobres and juvenile girl's home.  We had the opportunity to spend time with ten girls and converse with them about our lives and theirs.  It was really powerful to hear their stories and to connect with them.

Day care member at Los Pobres

For me, the best part of the day was our evening debrief with the group.  We covered our experiences from the last few days.  Everyone had a chance to share about where they have been with all the experiences and how they are feeling with the group.  It was a great time of sharing together.  I love seeing how each of us has grown from the day we boarded the plane, and I love how each person has their own perspectives and unique strengths.  We are a ragtag group of people brought together by common experiences that have bonded us deeply.  Most of us may not have gravitated to one another outside of this trip, yet now, we feel like a family.  Through digestive problems, hot bus rides, rooster and dog serenades at extremely early hours, and stories of Salvadorians, we have blended our minds and hearts in our own group's solidarity.  It is truly beautiful to know that humanity itself will eventually connect us and bring us into a place of unconditional positive regard.  Our consensus tonight, as we shared a drink on the second floor balcony, is that we are grateful to share this study abroad trip together.

The group's hands after river clean up.

Day 7, 8, & 9--Santa Marta

Santa Marta

Rosalea and Mary--our host family

I am back at the Oasis from my weekend in Santa Marta.  It is a wonderful community in the hills of El Salvador, close to the Honduran border.  There is so much I could say about this weekend trip, but I will try to be concise for your reading pleasure as well as my constant need for sleep.  The people within this community were forced in 1981 to flee their homes, belongings, etc in Santa Marta to seek refuge in Honduras from the ARENA army that was torturing and killing their community members and families.   The conflict broke out because the people of Santa Marta and other poor communities finally had enough of the repressive regime and stood up through a fight for their human rights.  Unfortunately, the US government was funding the ARENA military party and was sending 1 million dollars of tax payer money a day to fight against the people of El Salvador.  At that time, the US was fighting communism around the country and felt the guerillas in El Salvador were communists instead of people wanting dignity and respect.  We heard stories about how women and children were crossing the Lampa River (which serves as the border between El Salvador and Honduras).  Many stories recounted the fear and trauma of that moment and those years during the civil war conflict.  Many shared of the drownings and massacres at the river during those days.  The people of Santa Marta returned to their land in 1988 and had to survive during the time of war, fighting for their basic human rights against the government.  In 1992, the Peace Accord was signed and the war stopped.  But by that time, the community had to rebuild itself.  However, instead of being defeated by the war, this community used their suffering to produce in them a weighty strength and a deep sense of joy and purpose in what they accomplished together and what they want to accomplish in the future.

Me, Rosalea and Emma at her home

This is Rosalea's house area

My friend Emma and I had the absolute privilege to spend two nights with our host family Rosalea and her granddaughter Mary.  They were such a treasure and delight!  I have so many touching stories from our short time together, but I want to share one story that will showcase their generosity and hospitality.  It was our second night with them, and we were both very very dirty from the day's events.  There is not running water in Santa Marta, so one must almost do a sponge bath to clean.  During the day, our group had walked all over the community and even spent time cleaning out garbage in their local river.  Also, at the end of the day, the rains began to pour and soaked the streets.  By the end of the night, our sandals had mud, animal feces and who knows what else caked in them.  Our feet also did not come out of the day looking or smelling very pretty either.  Rosalea asked Emma if she would want to wash her feet before we went to bed.  We thought it over and decided it was a "buena idea" (good idea).  She went to her pila, which is the concrete basin where water is kept and functions a bit like a kitchen/laundry room, and started getting a bowl ready for our feet.  She handed the bowl to me, and I began washing my feet.  They were a sight, but I was so grateful for the soap and water.  As I moved to my second foot, Rosalea came out and said, "No, no," and then took my hands away from my foot.  When I realized what she was going to do, I quickly tried to dissuade her.  In my best Spanish, I told her I was very dirty and that she did not need to wash my feet.

She quickly disregarded my request and picked up my sweaty, muddy, smelly foot and began to wash it with her soft hands.  Immediately, I began laughing as tears welled up in my eyes.  I could not believe she was doing this!  When she was finished with the first foot, she picked up the other foot that I previously washed.  Again, she poured water over the foot, removing with her hands any of the left over dirt and grime.  Then, she proceeded to wash my sandals with her hands.  Her fingers dug into the grooves, pushing out all of the caked in material.  In that moment, I was humbled beyond believe.  Here I am, a recently graduated master's student with so many options in front of me, striving to find my place, bathed in the comforts of wealth and privilege, and coming to Santa Marta very unsure of the natural conditions and discomforts.  And here is this beautiful woman of about seventy five years--a woman who has known suffering, watched her friends die, lived to tell her stories.  This woman, who doesn't live with running water, has chickens, roosters, turkeys and other life forms running freely through her yard.  This woman so freely and matter-a-factly engages in an act of service which is such an act of love.  In her right then, I was awakened to Jesus behind her skin--the humbleness of Christ coming to serve, revealing the mystical power in service.  All of me wanted to refuse her service, to say that I can do it myself.  But the voice inside me said, "Accept the gift."  So, I did.  And it has fed me throughout the day.  It will continue to feed me as we travel and when I return home.

My bed with mosquito netting

There is such a power in true genuine service and humility.  Very rarely do I find myself in this position of unabashed service or living with such an embracing hospitality.  This was one of the many amazing experiences we had with this family in two short days.  At the risk of sounding dramatic, I will say that in her presence, I literally felt touched by God.

The hikers:  Me, Emma, Dr. Guevara, Kristin
Brittany (and Cristina who took the pic).

We have now returned home to the Oasis.  Many of us rushed to the showers to clean off the dirt and sweat that caked on over the last few days.  But what we didn't wash off were the memories of the people of Santa Marta.  The sweetness of their presence, the service and purpose they employ, nor the dignity with which they live their lives.  Our individualistic strivings for success seem like vapors compared to the solidarity found within the dwelling of this community.

We hiked in and out of Santa Marta.

Day 6

Brittany and I at the Women's Center

Today, we started the day going to a women's center in San Salvador.  We learned that to be a feminist in El Salvador is quite dangerous and very subversive.  The culture in El Salvador (like most of the world) is a patriarchal culture.  Specifically, their culture values machismo and has very strict gender norms for both men and women.  Most women either stay home, do domestic work, work in factories, or immigrate to the US to work to send money home to their family.  Like the speaker said, most ten year old girls do not dream about working in a factory when they grow up.  Yet, there are not the variety of positions available for women in this society.  Many of them are not encouraged by families to learn how to read and write because they are told they will not need that when they are older.  However, there have been some recent policy changes with the newer government, yet if these policies are not enforced, they really do not do much good.  I began to feel such a gratefulness for my ability to learn, work and choose to some degree my destiny.  At the same time, my heart burns for all the women around the world who do not have that freedom.  One of the most devastating facts we learned about gender violence within the country is that last year, 647 women were murdered because of their gender.  This country is not that big, and yet the numbers are staggering.  The inspiring thing is that there are women within the country who are working to empower one another.  If you are interested to hear more about empowering women globally, make sure to read Half the Sky.

Soup at Beatrice's house

We ate lunch at a local woman's house.  We had bean soup when it was 85 degrees!  We were all sweating pretty badly, but enjoyed the local cuisine.  Beatrice (our hostess) works for our translator and guide, Cristina.  She cannot read, but both of her daughters are high school graduates who are going onto school at the university.  Her mother, who was over 90 was helping to prepare the food as well.

Then, we went to learn about human trafficking in El Salvador.  Our speaker was very dynamic and passionate about the work his agency is doing in the country. When asked what we in the States can do or not do to better this problem in El Salvador, he listed three major things.  1) Promote and support the human rights that all people are supposed to have.  He stated that if we did that, so many of these problems would be addressed and improved.   2)  Support community building projects in El Salvador.  He stated it is important to dissuade people from making the migration to the States because it is so dangerous.  If they felt that their needs were being met here, they may not be so apt to leave.  3)  Stop demonizing migration to the States.  It is a basic human right (in the Universal Declaration of Human Rights) that people be able to migrate from one country to another.  When hearing this, I began to wonder how my daily life contributes to other's rights not being upheld.  It is something for me to think about.  It will take some very intentional changes.

Beatrice's home and family

I will not be posting any blog entries for the next two maybe three evenings.  We are staying with host families in Santa Marta, a rural community in the hills.  This will truly be an experience that I haven't had before.  We will stay in their homes and use their out houses.  I am hoping my digestive system stays strong! However, the point was made that many people all over the world live in these conditions.  So, it will be a positive stretch and will give me understanding of the plethora of comforts that surround my life.  I will be back to blogging when we return.  Buenos noches mi familia y amigas y amigos!

Day 5

Mural outside the church

Today was really about calling--the calling of others in history and the calling of us in the present.  We had the privilege to visit Divinia Providencia which is the church where Monsenor Romero was assassinated.  We heard about his personal history of becoming an archbishop.  The church chose him because they felt he would be a very passive puppet for the interests of the wealthy in El Salvador during the late 1970s.  And at first, he did well conforming to their wishes.  During an army massacre of the Salvadorian people in 1977, one of his congregants phoned him to come and help--many were dying.  Monsenor Romero shared that he would "pray for them."  It was only days later that he decided to change his allegiances from the church hierarchy to those of his people.  This choice changed everything for him and for his people.  He choose to listen to them, visit them, help them and be a voice for their freedom.  All the while, he received death threats, but that did not stop him anymore.  His last sermon is considered prophetic as he spoke directly to the army of El Salvador, pleading with them and commanding them to stop the killing.  The next day, he was murdered during the final moments of his homily.  They shot him--the bullets went straight down the aisle and into his aorta as he stood behind the altar.  Romero died quickly with his body slumping directly underneath the crucifix.

Where Monsenor Romero died

We were able to engage in a ritual to bring history alive in our present moment today.  We heard Monsenor Romero preaching his final sermon on an audio recording.  We heard the gun shots and the people uproar.  At that point, we offered up a prayer and brought our words to the pictures of his death below the altar.  The word I picked for him was "faithful."  I later learned that this word was to be a gift to me.  It was to be the word that I live with and for as I leave this place.

So, I spent time today, living in further awakening of the calling I am and have been coming into throughout my life.  I am so grateful to be able to be in a space where I can clear my head and heart of distractions and listen.
"Therefore, since we are surrounded by a cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles.  And let us run the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith."  Hebrews 12: 1-2

It is overwhelming for me to think about blogging about the last few days in a short amount of time.  Our days are packed, not just with events but with rich, meaningful and challenging content.  My mind is literally feasting on the experiences and material presented to us, and my emotions are having a hard time catching up.  With all this newness and intensity, I want to make it so clear that we are in wonderful, trustworthy hands.  Our professors-Dr. Guevara and Professor List--are excellent leaders.  They continue to help us feel comfortable exploring in these new spaces and give us grace and acceptance as we learn and ask questions.  Our group is starting to bond, and it is so fun to learn the stories of others as we travel.

Yesterday, we spent time learning about the popular history of El Salvador.  We learned about the indigenous people and how they were conquered by the Spaniards during the 1500s.  The indigenous people did not go down without a fight.  They actually fought fifteen years before the Spanish had total control.  I am finding out that "the fight" in Salvadorians has only gotten stronger over time.  They truly are a courageous people.  The agency that was teaching us was called Equipo Maiz (Team Corn--still not sure the meaning there), and they attribute their aspirations and educational work to the spirit of Monsenor Romero.  His image and story is everywhere here.  If you get a chance, look him up because I will be talking about him a lot upon my return.:)

Our group at the Masculinity workshop

We then spent time at a workshop on Masculinity.  The men that worked with us have worked in the San Salvadorian community for over ten years.  Their passion is to educate men and women on the gender stereotypes present in their current culture.  After the community members share the stereotypes, they have workshops that deconstruct these images and messages from larger society.  They reassure men and women (but specifically men) that no one lives up the to pressures of this male stereotype and that it is an illusion.  The reason they work with these populations is to try and diminish the violence that arises from male's insecurities and lack of knowledge about true masculinity.  One statistic they gave us about the current gender violence against women is that there are 647 gender related murders a year.  Their work asks the question, "Why is there so much violence? and What are the beliefs and cultural bases that support this behavior?"  At the Center, we were able to engage in our own exploration and deconstruction of gender stereotypes and realized they are quite similar to those of the Salvadorians.

Debiana, Kristin, Eric and I sharing our drawings

Today, the theme or topic was about solidarity or "solidaridad."  To reinforce this concept further, we attended the May Day Worker's March and spent time with Sister Peggy in Suchitoto.  At the Worker's Day March, everyone was in their red to support the power of the people and that of the worker.  The presidential party at this time is the FLMN--the left wing party.  For years, the Salvadorian people were oppressed by the right wing army who was funded and supported by our US government.  Millions of Salvadorians were killed in the civil war that broke out between the ARENA (right wing army) and the guerrilla fighters of the FMLN.  The energy of the March was electric as the workers in the unions held their banners with pride, chanting excitedly as they ran at times in groups through the streets.  By the way, the May Day marches began in Chicago and now continue in most of the other countries in the world--accept the US.  Yes, we have Labor Day, but I normally lay out in the sun instead of march proudly through the streets to support the middle/working class.  It is being continually reinforced here through our experiences that we in the States are quite insulated, almost too comfortable to act consistently with discipline on behalf of the worker here.  We talk so much in our country about freedom, yet do not partake in activities that promote freedom for all.  It is something I have wrestled with for the last few years and continue to more on this trip.

Worker's Day March

Sister Peggy and me

The highlight of the day for me was visiting the Peace Center in Suchitoto and meeting Sister Peggy.  She is a Sister of Charity and has worked in El Salvador for the past 25 years.  She lived through the Civil War here and has made the place her home.  I wish I would have recorded her talk because literally everything she was saying was one powerful quote after another.  She described the idea of "solidaridad" with others as "living as unequals sharing."  She was clear to say that it is not giving each other our extras or overflow, but giving from our own substance.  She shared that she is in El Salvador because she is richer among and with the people here.  They have helped her find her voice as she helps them with different needs.  This perspective really challenged me--do I give of my substance or from my extras and left overs?  Many times I think giving my extras will benefit me because I am not having to share what I really want.  But that is the question she continued to ask us--What do we really want?  If we are pursuing deeper meaning in life, we must question "Who really is our neighbor?"  For Sister Peggy, she believes that everyone and everything in creation is our neighbor.  We must love them all.  She did share a bit about her study of Liberation Theology and how it is moved her to work and live how she has.  There are movements in the church--as there always has been--that focus on people and not church services or buildings.  That is where I want to be--with God with his people, sharing relationships, stories and providing for needs.

The Garden at the Center for Peace

I want to leave you with a few quotes from her that will speak for themselves.
      "We must be mystics and midwives.  We must see the inner meaning present in each person's story.  We must be a part of birthing something new through creativity.  And creativity is like love--it's a renewable resource."
      "My veins don't end in me."--S. Peggy quoting a Salvadorian poet.
      "If your dreams do not scare you, they are not big enough."
     "What has happened to us that we don't have a perception of scandal?"
I will leave tonight with that quote because it is a question I am asking myself as we spend time here.  How do we sensitize to the truth and tune out all the political rhetoric?  How do we be followers of God as we are called?  It is great here because I am able to be present without distractions.  I am hoping that you all are having time away free from distraction to have eyes to see and ears to hear as well.

Oh, one last thing for today.  Throughout all these activities, we have been having wonderful meals--breakfast, lunch and dinner are all so yummy!